I'm writing to you on Thursday, but this won't be posted until Friday... So when I say today, I mean Thursday.
Our bodies are really amazing. This morning, around 5am, I awoke feeling restless. I went to the bathroom. I came back to bed. Time crept by and I was still awake. Forty Five minutes had passed and anxiety was tugging at me. I noticed tension in the muscles of my shoulders, neck, and lower abdomen. As soon as I could relax one muscle group, the tension would move to another place in my body. I was annoyed and wanted to get back to sleep!
I started listening to a podcast. Listening to birth stories has been really comforting during my recovery from pregnancy loss. I listened to the voices of the women, I let the story wash over me, cherishing their wisdom. And then I started to cry. I just wanted to go back to sleep!
I checked the time - it was 7am. Suddenly, I realized what day it was - Thursday. I opened my calendar. I counted back to March 18th. Three weeks. Around 7am exactly three weeks ago, Carly and I were on a call with our Midwife who confirmed that our pregnancy was lost. I could suddenly feel the imprint of that experience in my body. My annoyance softened into compassion. I tucked my knees into my chest and held myself in my arms.
Our bodies are really amazing. As soon as I start to move too fast or do too much too soon, my body forces me to slow down. My body remembers in ways my mind tries to forget. I am learning to deepen trust of my body, to put my mind in the back seat. When I can't think of how to move forward, my body knows the way, and I must allow healing to happen in its own way and time.
Are you having a similar experience? Is your body trying to tell you something? Are there feelings or needs your mind isn't allowing you to meet? Join me in worship as we tune in to the natural material of our bodies in order to honor our Creator. We have important lessons to learn.