How's Your Trust Fund?
Over the past few weeks, I have been learning to trust my body following pregnancy loss. As I have been meditating on trust as a theme in my own spiritual life, and how difficult it can be to practice, I have noticed that trust is a choice. I have noticed that I can grasp for many alternatives before deciding to trust. I am really good at avoiding self trust, instead I cling to any sense of certainty I can find. I set plans to feel certain. I use many different actions and activities to distract myself from my fear of uncertainty, to avoid having to trust. All of this is present within me before anyone else comes along!
Trusting other people is a whole other trip full of complications. Sometimes, it is easier to trust a friend or family member than it is to trust myself. Other times, the opposite is true.
What do you notice about trust in your life? What is your experience of trust? Do you notice yourself choosing it? Avoiding it? What does your trust practice look like? What changes in your body when trust is strong?
The Christian Tradition is full of bite-sized messages about trust. "Do your best and trust God with the rest"... "Trust in the Lord and never be disappointed"... "God has perfect timing, trust Him"... "God has a plan"... "Everything happens for a reason"... We've inherited this idea that trust is all we need. If I'm struggling to trust, there must be something wrong with me.
At the same time, we have the teachings of Jesus Christ as told in our scriptures. Jesus did a lot of deep spiritual practice to be able to trust God, retreating into solitude and prayer, even "wrestling with the devil".
The truth in these contradictions is this: there is not one right way to trust. There are many ways to practice it, many ways to choose it. We get to play around and find what works for each of us. Honesty with ourselves about our trust patterns and practices is a good first step.
What supports you to trust? What stops you from trusting yourself/others/Spirit? Is it easy for you to feel trust in your body? What fears disconnect you from trust?
It would be nice if I had a magic wand to wave over all of us that could resolve all of our struggles with trust... but I don't. So we get to lean on one another, receiving love and trust in our community when it gets hard to give it to ourselves. We are so blessed to have community!