Dear Congregation and Friends,
What do you do when you hit a wall? When you feel like you just don’t have the energy, motivation, or competence to meet life’s demands? What keeps you going?
These are the questions I’m wondering about as we enter Holy Week. Scenes from the last few days of Jesus’s life flip through my mind. What kept him going? This is one of those times when I wish we had an autobiographical story of Jesus’s life.
I’m entering Holy Week thirty six weeks pregnant - just about a month or so to go. Baby is gaining half a pound per week, which means I am tired. A few years ago, in this situation, I would have let anxiety motivate me to stay productive. The worst case scenarios in my mind would compel me to overextend myself to make sure everything was perfect.
I still have this tendency, but I’ve made great progress in recent years shifting from anxiety based productivity toward grace, ease, passion, and compassion. Instead of letting fear of messing up drive my actions, I’ve learned to honor that I’m a person and messing up is inevitable. Miraculously, giving myself permission to mess up has not resulted in more mistakes! It has allowed me to carry less tension in my body and be kinder to myself.
This Holy Week, with many demands on my attention and not enough energy to do everything as fully as I would like, I’m diving deep into self compassion, asking for help, and resting as much as possible. I’ve hit the wall - and instead of trying to break it down (and breaking myself in the process) I’m leaning on it and into it with a soft focus and an open heart.