Writing more of a letter this week has been challenging. As you have probably noticed, I am more comfortable and accustomed to expressing myself in essay. Nevertheless, this week I will share with you some of my thoughts and experiences as we come to what is for many a season of connection disrupted by you know what. I’m not really comfortable thinking of it as guidance. We are all living differently through similar struggles. What do I know of yours? Our needs are being strained, but I don’t know what your needs are. I will consider my own ‘out loud’, and you could consider yours. Do what you will.
In this season, in this week, I have been thinking of my grandmother. She was diagnosed with you know what a few weeks ago and is likely through it. It was strange for everyone involved, probably most for her, to know that in the next few weeks that either a gate was closing, or it wasn’t. I have been thinking of my roommates who won’t be going home for Thanksgiving and who can’t come with me to keep the group small. Everywhere relationships are strained, and the few that I have resonate all the more as I come to rely on fewer people to be more.
I expect many of you are feeling this as well. You don’t need me to tell you that connection has gotten more difficult, a hindrance that is felt even more strongly in a season dedicated in large part to just that. Can I offer more than the knowledge you already know? That this is all just for now, and it will eventually pass. That in the meantime we’ll just have to do more, or perhaps do less to get by. Perhaps I should focus on what I am grateful for to cheer myself up, or try to relish what connections do exist.
Really though for me, I find myself just waiting. Like a sore throat or a runny nose that will probably go away in a couple of days, I’m sort of just putting up with whatever until its not. Should I do something? Something specific to help? I dunno something small and special to mark the season. In my life so far, I have found that the memories that stick hardest are for me those with stronger emotions. If I am going to remember this season, I might as well put something special inside it. Something I can say, hey remember that season, that year that kinda sucked? Well here’s a nice little part of it I did just to spite the overall trend. It amuses me personally to think of it as an act of defiance.
So I guess that is my suggestion for you all this week. This week kinda sucks. So maybe add one thing with the intention of inserting glimmer into the grime. Whatever that may be for you, do what you will.